Thirty is the new twenty...

Tomorrow I turn thirty.  When I think of this, I'm not sad about turning older and suddenly having my "fun days" behind me.  Nor do I think thirty is the new twenty because please - don't send me back there.  I simply think...ugh, I have to work tomorrow night.  And Hudson has an appointment at 2 with the GI specialist right during nap time.  When is he going to nap, so I can get a nap in before work?

This is my life right now.  There are moments of pure happiness and joy.  When I look at my kids and Elsie starts smiling at me or Hudson does something hilarious and I'm laughing.  And of course there is my amazing husband - whose life is beyond choatic but still finds time to take me out spontaneously to a fancy smancy restaurant for dinner and then meet friends for drinks.  Dusty, who can make me laugh and can love me through my ugliness.  Cuz  there are other moments - not such pretty moments where I am angry, or I'm depressed, or blah, or not interested in anyone but myself.  And tonight I was thinking about turning 30.  And about myself.  I think I am supposed to "know who I am" by now.  But as our family changed this year and we've had some major stones (or boulders) thrown at us, I realize I don't know myself at all.

I think this is okay.  I think we all should be continuing to change anyway.  Life continues to change, and we will continue to change with it.  And with our ups and downs I realized I'm still finding myself.  I'm trying to find myself in Jesus, and start each day with Him, but I don't always do this.  But He starts each day with me.

All this to be said, I found a list I started a few years ago.

30 Things I want to do before 30

1)      Get a tattoo

2)      Have a baby

3)      Start the adoption process

4)      Read the Bible in a year

5)      Run a half marathon

6)      Serve in Africa as a nurse

7)      Hike a 14er in Colorado

8)      Visit Graham and Carrie in India

9)      Bake a pie from scratch

10)   Learn to sew

11)   Play the piano again – possibly take lessons

12)   Become critical care certified
13)    Skydive

As you can see, I didn't get far in creating the list, and I can say that I've completed 4 things on that list.  But I'm okay with that.  Life's not about lists.  Whew...that's hard to say coming from a girl that loves lists!!  I guess I'm saying bring on 30.  I think it will be great.  Cuz I'm just going to live life, be real about who I am, and enjoy what's been given to me.  And most of all, I'm going to continue to run the race before me and go deeper.  I want to deeply know Jesus, deeply love him, deeply experience him.