It's the end of June.
2 months since I last wrote I think.
Life is still busy (busy is word on my dislike list but not sure what else to insert - chaotic?). Kiddos are still growing and changing. Husband is still working like mad and providing for us. Will step down from current position as director at the Chamber to pursue RaceNote full time. I'm scared and excited at the same time.
We rented out our house during the CWS. We were hoping that moolah would go towards a vacation but hey, why do that when we need to seal our fence around the house?! ;) Lived at my parents for a week. They are about as easy as you can get to live with but we were anxious to get home. Till we found out basement flooded.
I interviewed for a new job on Wednesday. Most likely it will be offered to me. I just can't figure out what i want to do, but I know my current job isn't working for me or my family. But I'm finally working in a place I like my co-workers. They aren't catty. Hope I like the next ones too.
I asked a dear friend, a lovely, wise and mature woman of God to mentor me and we met today. I'm kind of scared to let her see the sin and ugliness in my life. But it's a good thing, right?
I got in the Word today and asked God to speak to me. Two things that spoke to me. I need Jesus as the center. Of my marriage, my family, my life. It's so unbalanced as it is, and all can easily crumble if He isn't there. The other thing is that I can have hope. Sometimes I may not feel it, sometimes I may not see it, but it's there - always. I forgot that we always have hope in Him.
Redemption. Healing. Clarity. All things I'm longing for right now. Jesus be the center.
Friday, June 27, 2014
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Thirty is the new twenty...
Tomorrow I turn thirty. When I think of this, I'm not sad about turning older and suddenly having my "fun days" behind me. Nor do I think thirty is the new twenty because please - don't send me back there. I simply think...ugh, I have to work tomorrow night. And Hudson has an appointment at 2 with the GI specialist right during nap time. When is he going to nap, so I can get a nap in before work?
This is my life right now. There are moments of pure happiness and joy. When I look at my kids and Elsie starts smiling at me or Hudson does something hilarious and I'm laughing. And of course there is my amazing husband - whose life is beyond choatic but still finds time to take me out spontaneously to a fancy smancy restaurant for dinner and then meet friends for drinks. Dusty, who can make me laugh and can love me through my ugliness. Cuz there are other moments - not such pretty moments where I am angry, or I'm depressed, or blah, or not interested in anyone but myself. And tonight I was thinking about turning 30. And about myself. I think I am supposed to "know who I am" by now. But as our family changed this year and we've had some major stones (or boulders) thrown at us, I realize I don't know myself at all.
I think this is okay. I think we all should be continuing to change anyway. Life continues to change, and we will continue to change with it. And with our ups and downs I realized I'm still finding myself. I'm trying to find myself in Jesus, and start each day with Him, but I don't always do this. But He starts each day with me.
All this to be said, I found a list I started a few years ago.
As you can see, I didn't get far in creating the list, and I can say that I've completed 4 things on that list. But I'm okay with that. Life's not about lists. Whew...that's hard to say coming from a girl that loves lists!! I guess I'm saying bring on 30. I think it will be great. Cuz I'm just going to live life, be real about who I am, and enjoy what's been given to me. And most of all, I'm going to continue to run the race before me and go deeper. I want to deeply know Jesus, deeply love him, deeply experience him.
This is my life right now. There are moments of pure happiness and joy. When I look at my kids and Elsie starts smiling at me or Hudson does something hilarious and I'm laughing. And of course there is my amazing husband - whose life is beyond choatic but still finds time to take me out spontaneously to a fancy smancy restaurant for dinner and then meet friends for drinks. Dusty, who can make me laugh and can love me through my ugliness. Cuz there are other moments - not such pretty moments where I am angry, or I'm depressed, or blah, or not interested in anyone but myself. And tonight I was thinking about turning 30. And about myself. I think I am supposed to "know who I am" by now. But as our family changed this year and we've had some major stones (or boulders) thrown at us, I realize I don't know myself at all.
I think this is okay. I think we all should be continuing to change anyway. Life continues to change, and we will continue to change with it. And with our ups and downs I realized I'm still finding myself. I'm trying to find myself in Jesus, and start each day with Him, but I don't always do this. But He starts each day with me.
All this to be said, I found a list I started a few years ago.
30 Things I want to do before 30
1) Get a tattoo
2)
Have a baby
3) Start the adoption process
4)
Read the Bible in a year
5)
Run a half marathon
6)
Serve in Africa as a nurse
7)
Hike a 14er in Colorado
8)
Visit Graham and Carrie in India
9)
Bake a pie from scratch
10)
Learn to sew
11)
Play the piano again – possibly take lessons
12)
Become critical care certified
13) Skydive
13)
Friday, February 7, 2014
Thankful hearts that have broken moments...
The last 3 weeks have been a blur.
The highest of highs followed by trauma, followed by thankfulness, then sadness, then anger...
The highest of highs followed by trauma, followed by thankfulness, then sadness, then anger...
This pregnancy has been one of the hardest journeys for me. But the Lord has blessed us with a beautiful gift - Elsie Noelle Reynolds. She was born 3 weeks ago tomorrow. She's the toughest girl I know already. I'm so thankful I get to be her mom.
Elsie came into this world not breathing. Her shoulder got caught in delivery. I can't remember when I've been so scared. To watch the faces of medical people around me. It went from intense focus to panic and alarm. Her head came out and she was blue. People began yelling, nurses jumped on top of me and were pushing their fists into my abdomen while the doctors pulled on her head and shoulders. The pain was beyond anything I've ever felt. I was exhausted from labor and sick the night before but knew I had to push as hard as I could. I literally saw spots I was pushing so hard and I broke blood vessels. People say they heard a crack - her clavicle we found out - and she finally came. I didn't care if it was a she or he, all I could see was her blue face and immediately burst into tears. Nurses hovered, saying they will take care of her and get her back. Dusty was over by her trying to be there for her yet letting the nurses work on her. Finally we heard a cry, a weak one but it seemed determined. The let me see her briefly then whisked her to the NICU to continue to help her push through the trauma of what she just went through.
Three weeks ago. Today I find myself in tears as I think I could've lost her. I find myself angry as I think the doctors should have done a c section as she showed many signs of distress and we knew she was a big baby. I'm angry that she had to have pain from a broken bone for her first two weeks of life. That she will need therapy for the nerve damage in her shoulder. Yet I find myself grateful, knowing that God has given me not just one miracle child now but two.
Every day is different, emotions are different. Trying to adjust to life at home with 2 kids under 18 months, processing this trauma, dealing with mastitis, running out of time off because I was on bedrest and in doing so I will go 2 months without being paid...it's chaos. But I look at her and know that out of the chaos came something beautiful. My heart melts when I see Dusty kiss her, Hudson reach for her, Bella and Ranger try to lick her. Our family is whole. Maybe not complete...we'll see what God wants to do. But for now its whole. And even with the cluster of emotions, I try to end each day being thankful of that.
Elsie came into this world not breathing. Her shoulder got caught in delivery. I can't remember when I've been so scared. To watch the faces of medical people around me. It went from intense focus to panic and alarm. Her head came out and she was blue. People began yelling, nurses jumped on top of me and were pushing their fists into my abdomen while the doctors pulled on her head and shoulders. The pain was beyond anything I've ever felt. I was exhausted from labor and sick the night before but knew I had to push as hard as I could. I literally saw spots I was pushing so hard and I broke blood vessels. People say they heard a crack - her clavicle we found out - and she finally came. I didn't care if it was a she or he, all I could see was her blue face and immediately burst into tears. Nurses hovered, saying they will take care of her and get her back. Dusty was over by her trying to be there for her yet letting the nurses work on her. Finally we heard a cry, a weak one but it seemed determined. The let me see her briefly then whisked her to the NICU to continue to help her push through the trauma of what she just went through.
Three weeks ago. Today I find myself in tears as I think I could've lost her. I find myself angry as I think the doctors should have done a c section as she showed many signs of distress and we knew she was a big baby. I'm angry that she had to have pain from a broken bone for her first two weeks of life. That she will need therapy for the nerve damage in her shoulder. Yet I find myself grateful, knowing that God has given me not just one miracle child now but two.
Every day is different, emotions are different. Trying to adjust to life at home with 2 kids under 18 months, processing this trauma, dealing with mastitis, running out of time off because I was on bedrest and in doing so I will go 2 months without being paid...it's chaos. But I look at her and know that out of the chaos came something beautiful. My heart melts when I see Dusty kiss her, Hudson reach for her, Bella and Ranger try to lick her. Our family is whole. Maybe not complete...we'll see what God wants to do. But for now its whole. And even with the cluster of emotions, I try to end each day being thankful of that.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
2013 is closed, 2014 open for business
Happy New Year!
Hudson is napping, Dusty is sleeping in the recliner with a football game on, and I'm sitting here blogging and reflecting. I'm not sure how I would summarize 2013. Change, surprises, trials, sanctification are some of the first words that come to mind. It's so easy to make a plan for the next year that is totally dependent on ourselves. We forget though about the unexpected moments. Last year I was going to run a half marathon. Well, I got pregnant instead. Plans for a travels were underway. Hospital stays and bills happened instead. Sometimes the best laid plans just don't happen. But I choose to believe in a God that allows things of the world shape and influence us. Job is an example of someone who probably didn't plan to have the year he did when God allowed everything to be taken from him. Yet, he grew and was challenged by the Lord and in the end was blessed more abundantly than before.
So, what is going on with the Reynolds this Day 1 of 2014:
Baby Watch 2013 is now 2014!
We've made it past 34 weeks! Woohoo! I honestly didn't think we'd get to this point and it's a little weird/conflicting. I feel like I should start working again in the next week or two but my docs just want me to stay home until the kiddo is born. I'm working on trusting them and submitting to their recommendations. Then again, there has been a lot of issues with the pregnancy even at home so it's pry best to just stay home.
Holidays
Being on bedrest meant we stayed in Omaha. So we had Christmas at our house - 3 times. It was a lot of fun actually and nice to be home. My parents and Dusty's parents took care of the food and then our families came to spend time together. Mexican train might be becoming a tradition on my side of the family! It was nice to spend time with my brother and his wife as they came from Houston and usually only come up once a year! Hudson enjoyed seeing everyone and enjoyed his boxes - I mean presents. :)
New Years Day
Like I said, the house is chill. 2 out of 3 of us have yet to get out of our pjs at 4pm. We woke to a beautiful snow today. The Huskers won. The bun is still on the oven. It's a great start to the New Year!
I don't know what God has in store for us. But I will look for blessings each day - because there are blessings in each day no matter how small they are. So here is to 2014 and 365 days of finding joy and blessings in each day!
Hudson is napping, Dusty is sleeping in the recliner with a football game on, and I'm sitting here blogging and reflecting. I'm not sure how I would summarize 2013. Change, surprises, trials, sanctification are some of the first words that come to mind. It's so easy to make a plan for the next year that is totally dependent on ourselves. We forget though about the unexpected moments. Last year I was going to run a half marathon. Well, I got pregnant instead. Plans for a travels were underway. Hospital stays and bills happened instead. Sometimes the best laid plans just don't happen. But I choose to believe in a God that allows things of the world shape and influence us. Job is an example of someone who probably didn't plan to have the year he did when God allowed everything to be taken from him. Yet, he grew and was challenged by the Lord and in the end was blessed more abundantly than before.
So, what is going on with the Reynolds this Day 1 of 2014:
Baby Watch 2013 is now 2014!
We've made it past 34 weeks! Woohoo! I honestly didn't think we'd get to this point and it's a little weird/conflicting. I feel like I should start working again in the next week or two but my docs just want me to stay home until the kiddo is born. I'm working on trusting them and submitting to their recommendations. Then again, there has been a lot of issues with the pregnancy even at home so it's pry best to just stay home.
 |
| 33 weeks and 5 days |
Holidays
Being on bedrest meant we stayed in Omaha. So we had Christmas at our house - 3 times. It was a lot of fun actually and nice to be home. My parents and Dusty's parents took care of the food and then our families came to spend time together. Mexican train might be becoming a tradition on my side of the family! It was nice to spend time with my brother and his wife as they came from Houston and usually only come up once a year! Hudson enjoyed seeing everyone and enjoyed his boxes - I mean presents. :)
New Years Day
Like I said, the house is chill. 2 out of 3 of us have yet to get out of our pjs at 4pm. We woke to a beautiful snow today. The Huskers won. The bun is still on the oven. It's a great start to the New Year!
I don't know what God has in store for us. But I will look for blessings each day - because there are blessings in each day no matter how small they are. So here is to 2014 and 365 days of finding joy and blessings in each day!
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