Three

Here we are, it's 3 days away from Christmas.  I'm amazed at what the last 3 weeks has brought upon us and yet how we've been cared for and God's provision has been evident throughout the rocky road.

Pregnancy.

Typical background with the 3 kiddos

Hudson visiting mommy at hospital

I am 33 weeks pregnant today!  Hudson was born at 33 weeks exactly so this is kind of a special day for me.  As far as we know, I am 3 cm dilated.  (There is a lot of three's in the post....hmmmm...I hadn't thought of a title for the post but I know what it will be now!)  At 30 weeks and 5 days I had a doc appointment where I shared that I felt like things were different and had a few concerns that things were changing (ie...baby was starting to come).  The doc checked me, found I was 3 cm dilated.  Then the contractions came - every 2-4 min.  Long story short I enjoyed an all included weekend stay at the Nebraska Medical Center.  With Magnesium and everything!  For those who don't know - Magnesium makes you feel like you have the flu but it can help stop labor for some people.  I got to go home after 3 nights stay, so 10 pounds later (and much swelling) I was on my way home with bedrest/no work orders.  Not a strict bedrest mind you - basically no work and try to not do anything around the house or pick up my 25 pound 15 month old.  Fast forward to now, baby is still in, I've lost 15 pounds of fluid weight, and we've seen God provide in crazy ways!



Family and Friends
To those who have helped us during this turbulent time - THANK YOU!  I don't know how we would have done it.  Since I've come home, we've had many family and friends come and take a shift at the Reynolds house with Hudson.  Sometimes its a morning or afternoon, sometimes it's all day.  We've been so grateful to have help.  Yet it's much harder letting people actually in your life at such a vulnerable time I've found.  Especially when you have control freak tendencies like me.  :)

This kid can always make me smile.

It's been so humbling.  Even to just say "do you mind carrying Hudson up to his bedroom?" or "can you put him in the booster seat?"  I know it may not seem like a big deal, but when you are in that situation, it is.  I may or may not have started to go a little stir crazy as I sat around and watch people do things for me and Hudson.  And I may not have always done the best job of sitting around but I am doing SO much less than I was.  So far it seems to be working.  But we really don't know, I haven't let them check me as it stirs up contractions.  But on the other hand I haven't had nearly as many contractions.

Waiting for swallow study

Learning
Whelp, there is always learning in times like these.  The last 3 weeks alone we've had to deal with preterm labor, an aunt so sick she almost didn't make it, a swallow study at Children's for Hudson, flooding in our basement after we just laid new carpet (the day I came home on "bedrest" - what a welcome!), a dog that somehow punctured/impaled himself on something to where you could see muscle in his chest and a hole the size of a dime that went at least 1.5-2 inches deep.  Not to mention your usual holiday stress.  But, here is what God has shown me:

1) He is bigger than any problem I'm facing
    - Hudson's swallow study was fine.  So hoping he will outgrow the reflux soon!
2) I don't need to live in fear but instead have hope and joy
    - great example of Mary during this sermon http://citylightomaha.org/downloads/sermons/Joy.%2012.15.13.mp3
3) He will provide
     - We've been SO blessed by many dropping by meals and helping with Hudson.  It's so nice not to worry about making a meal.
    -The Chamber and people there have blessed us with letting Dusty be flexible with his schedule, working different hours or working from home at times as well as taking care of our meals for a whole week!
4) I'm not the only one who is experiencing or has experienced hard times
  - Just reminded that there are many trials I could be experiencing that are more difficult than ours
5) We all need grace

Anxious to open presents!

   -Extra grace seems to be needed for everyone during this time of year.  I need to extend grace and hopefully receive grace as sometimes my hormones/stircraziness can make me a little...irritable.  :)

Excited and nervous to see what the future brings.  I'm more nervous about this labor than I was with Hudson...I think that's normal for the second time around as the ignorance is gone.  Excited to spend time with family (hopefully) and enjoy celebrating our Saviors birth!   Hope you all have a Merry Christmas!

Thanksgiving - a time to catch up!

I looked at my blog and was amazed that it's been over 2 months since I've posted.  YIKES!  So, mini catch up on the life of a pregnant wife/mom/nurse.

Pregnancy:
I'm getting big.  Baby is getting big.  I'm 29 weeks as of last Sunday so we are making progress!  I still think I'm closer to 31 weeks because I wanted to go with one of the other ultrasounds due dates.  But, since I had 6 ultrasounds in the 1st trimester there was a 12 day span to choose from.  Official due date 2/9/13.  Date I have in my head 1/12/13.  I would be 36 weeks and wouldn't have to automatically have the little one in the NICU.  Anything after 36 is frosting on the cake (although I might not feel like it by then as I think I'm going to be very uncomfortable.)  

Uncomfortable.  For being almost 30 weeks, I told my doc I feel a month ahead.  I didn't have much swelling with Hudson.  It was a nice surprise this week as I got to work and couldn't see my ankles.  Gotta love cankles!  Heartburn, had it with Hudson.  Came earlier with this one.  Yes!  Back pain - check.  I think carrying another kiddo has helped with that.  Little sleep - check!  Emotional -hmmm ask my husband.  But he got me roses this week.  I married a great guy! 

Baby is moving like crazy!  I love it most of the times, but sometimes I get a punch or a kick that stops me dead in my tracks.  Head is WAY down according ultrasound tech (thank you very much, I could tell) so the punches aren't comfortable.  And baby is measuring very tall - feet are in the ribs already!

I've been doing progesterone shots for 13 weeks now.  They are PAINFUL!  I'm starting to get lumps that won't go away.  So attractive I know.  BUT, all of these discomforts and pregnancy side effects aside, I'm excited that
1) baby is still hanging out in the womb
2) we are actually having a baby again (still hits me every now and then)!  
We are blessed!

Work
Still working in the observation unit in the ER.  I love the people I work with!  I'm not loving the night shift.  It's getting harder the farther along I get.  Sometimes, I float to the ER.  I thought I would love working in ER since I love critical care but it's way different from ICU critical care.  So, I don't know what to think about that. But I'm thankful for a job and the people I work with!

Hudson

The little man is growing like crazy.  We thought he was a little behind, but at his 15 mo check up he's right on track except for walking.  He's been walking along and holding onto things for 4 months but just won't let go!  I'm not too worried and doc says they don't get concerned until 18 months.  I can't believe how much fun I have with that kid.  It's hard some days...you lose a lot of freedoms becoming a parent, but so many rewards.

Home Life
It's been crazy.  Thats all I can say.  Dusty's working anywhere from 60-80 hours a week, I'm working 2 night shifts a week, I usually have a doc appt almost every week - soon to be twice A WEEK!  We've painted our house, painted our basement, redid the steps and will recarpet the basement.  Goal is to move guest bed to basement and get Hudson into the old guest room so the nursery will be free.  We'll see if we get there.  We always have a pack n play for the babe if we haven't moved Hudson yet.

 My grandma's been in the hospital, Dusty's aunt is in the hospital so it's been a little stressful with that as things haven't been good.  Prayers are appreciated!  The stomach flu hit the household and Dusty is traveling at least once a month.  I'm so wiped out half the time it's been hard getting Christmas shopping, laundry, dishes, cooking etc in.  But we are getting there!  One of my friends who has been living in India the past 8 months is back.  She came over for coffee and said I seem more mellow.  I took it as a compliment and noted that I don't have the capacity to get stressed over the little things.  And I don't feel the need to have everything together before you see me or come to my house.  Speaking of that - I love complany!   Hudson's nap times are great coffee times!  :)

The pups - anyone with dogs knows they can be busy.  The high energy ones anyway.  Bella and Ranger keep us on our toes.  Bella has been fighting some sort of infection and shes on steriods for her Addison's disease so she doesn't recover from them as easy.  Ranger...I don't know how else to say it.  He's two and not fixed.  Watch out.

Thanksgiving
This year has been whirlwind.  I'm so thankful for my Rock and Savior who is with me through the thick and thin, even if I don't acknowledge Him as I should.  This year has had some big bumps and big moments of trusting Jesus to be the center through it all.

I'm thankful to be bless with a husband who leads our family with confidence, who can make me laugh daily, encourages me, blesses me and makes time for me and Hudson so that we always feel like priorities. 

I'm thankful for an amazing kiddo - always brings a smile to my face.  Hudson's just an awesome kid and I could go on forever.  My heart melts when he says mom.  Or waves to me.  Or smiles at me.

Thankful for the babe to come. 
Thankful to have a roof over our heads, medical care as we've needed more of it this year, jobs, insurance. 
Thankful for family and friends.
Simply thankul.

Mud Running

What is mud running you may ask?  Am I training for a mud race?  Nope.  But right now I feel like I'm running in mud.  It's hard, it's dirty and not really fun but thankfully you don't sink to where you can't get out.  That would be quicksand.  (Thanks for clearing that up Julia is what I'm sure you are thinking).  Life has been challenging lately.  And to be honest, I've not been running into it at full speed saying I can push through, I can do it.  I haven't been running at all (literally).  :)

Nope.  It's been thoughts like "I really wish I could stay in bed".  I know pregnancy hormones can play a part in things, but a few weeks ago I was beginning to worry I was clinically depressed.  Unfortunately being in health care you know a few of the signs.  And they were there.  BUT, I felt that this is a seasonal thing.  I won't have to work nights forever.  Hopefully this tired feeling will go away.  I can work out again after this little babe is born.  There will pry always be financial stress but only the very few don't have to deal with it.  (And I personally believe that it helps us to stay minimal and simple, be thankful, and let's face it - being rich has it's burdens.)  Hopefully there will be less hospital bills in 2014 - lets hope for just a good ole L&D stay.  Fussy stages in toddlers don't last forever.  Diabetes will be stuck with me forever BUT good news - my A1C - measures how good my sugars have been the last 3 months - was 6.6.  A goal for a diabetic is 6 and they hope for 6.5 or even are okay with 7 in a pregnant woman.  Woohoo!  I was going up when I was pregnant with Hudson and this time I went from 7 in the 1st trimester to 6.6 in the second.  And honestly, that was the turnaround in my attitude this week. 

Last week I was angry.  I'm paying 200-300 dollars a month trying to keep this baby healthy between my insulin stuff (pump, sensor, extra doc visits that aren't under maternity covered insurance), plus progestrone shots to try to prevent the preterm labor.  Then I had contractions while working out last week.  So I was upset and frustrated.  Honestly I have a smile a little cuz I haven't been on a eliptical in months but I was trying to be good and work out and then of course I had a few contractions.  But I was worried then and upset because I never had them this early with Hudson.  As for Hudson, he has been super fussy and clingy this week.  I was battling feelings of frustration then feeling bad because I was frustrated.  One night he was up crying every 2-3 hours.  I still don't really know what's wrong but to have him cry when I leave to go to the bathroom had me wanting to pull my hair out.  Then he gives me a smile and says mom and I'm like "oh I love you and you are so amazing!"  After searching and reading and noting that his hands are always in his mouth, I think he's starting to have a little separation anxiety and teething at the same time. 

The big read flags for me this week were that I didn't care that I wasn't keeping up with the house (I may not always keep up but I usually care), I didn't want to get out of bed, and I didn't want to hang out with people.  OH, and my husband said I was reading a lot.  Which, if you know I'm a nerd like that at heart - it might not seem weird.  But, thats all I was doing any moment I had a break.  Trying to escape.

So...running in the mud.  I feel like the muddy is getting more dry, less thick.  I'm thankful I have a chronic disease that I can treat and live with.  I'm thankful for a great husband and kiddo.  I'm thankful to have another on the way.  I have no way of knowing whats going to happen in the future...it will have ups and downs, but I know it's not a journey alone.  I'm surrounded by a God who doesn't leave me - even if I've started straying away from Him.  I'm surrounded by amazing family and friends.  I'm praying that this will be an amazing pregnancy where I see God's hand (already I see it with my A1C).  It's His plan, we've seen it from the beginning.  He will walk with us, and will provide our daily needs.  So I choose to try and be thankful and joyful each day.

Letting go

Our blog for Sababu has been down for some time.  Many know the situation in Mali.  The government was overthrown.  Borders were open and closed, riots and curfews followed.  Life was unpredictable.  And so was business.  Sababu Manufacturing Company was already going the some of the trials many new business face.  This put things over the edge and we made the decision to shut the doors.  Harder decisions followed.  People criticized the choices we made, how we handled affairs.  We were guided by our limited knowledge, our friends both Malian and American, and then most importantly, by God. 

We pry didn't do everything perfect.  I'm sure mistakes were made.  People were upset.  You always hear from those who are upset.  I see that in nursing all the time.  We seem to hear from those who want to complain about everything, then don't get to spend as much time with the patients who are the most thankful and sometimes have the most needs, just don't voice them.  Same with business and customer service.  We tried and failed.  We wiped out our savings and had nothing left to give.  We came back to the US with little and still tried to pay as much as we could.  I do understand that in a poverty stricken country our "little" is a lot for them.  But I'm not going to go into finances...all I know is things have been a lot harder than expected.  My heart has been angry and hurt in ways I didn't expect.  But I'm seeing God try to heal that too. And He has taken care of us and blessed us in so many ways since we've been back.

I was reading a blog called Kisses from Kate.  This girl is such an inspiration to me on what it truly means to live for Jesus. I choke up thinking of it. Anyway, this blog is about someones life that she had the opportunity to be a part of.  She shared in her living and passing away and we see Kates struggle with God allowing it to end and letting her think her was going to make it.




Here was her response:

"Some time last week in the too-early hours of the morning, I asked God why He allowed me to believe so strongly that Katherine would live when she wasn’t actually going to. I can usually get a pretty good sense for those things. It is hard for me to think that My Father saw me in my hope, He knew I was believing, and He simultaneously knew the ending. I think He answered that He gave me the grace to believe that she would live so that in her final days she would feel hope and high spirits all around her, so that she would feel that she was fought for and that she was worth the fight. She was worth it."

www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com


It made me think of Sababu. God knew the ending of the story. But you know, the people were worth it. Worth the hurts, the heartaches, the disappointment in the business itself. They might not completely get it. but HE does. I'm thankful for that journey. I'm praying that Dusty and I allow both the joys and the pains of it shape us and draw us closer to Him.

I know that many see Sababu as a failure.  And they see us as people with a nice idea but it didn't pan out.  Many pry have rationale why it didn't work out - we didn't go through the correct protocol - language study in France, Bambara study in Mali, live in Mali for 4-8 years, etc. etc.  We felt judged throughout the journey - when we got there, while we were there - by missionaries, Malians, and by people living in the US.  We had people stop supporting us because they said we lived in too nice of a house.  (Yet our house was what the Malians told us we had to live in if we wanted to be taken serious as business folk).  We let go of our hurts and pushed forward.  In the end we found beautiful friendships and relationships.  I pray that even though we couldn't provide long term jobs for Malians, that they were able to experience love, hope and grace for the time they worked for us.  That they were able to grow in skills to use for future employment.  That they benefited from the clinic we ran and education I provided to the workers and families about Malaria and diarrhea.  But in the end it doesn't matter what they think.  It doesn't matter what other missionaries thought.  It doesn't even matter what I think.  It matters what God thinks.  It matters that we obeyed the calling. 

So part of my healing process is letting go of the past hurts.  Letting go of those doubting comments we heard while there.  Even maybe the I told you so's once we got back.  Letting go of the precious girl we tried to adopt in Mali but the door closed. 

I miss Mali.  My heart is heavy as I write this.  The people, the culture is one that cannot be explained but must be experienced.  I'm thankful for the experience.  I'm thankful for the hurts.  It has made me run to Him.

No normal routine...

As I write this I'm thinking....I should get Hudson up from his nap.  BUT then I would lose my moment of Julia time.  I have a feeling this will be a quick blog even though there is SO much to write - since I've shied away from this blog.  But here I am.  I look at my last two posts.  Just moved back from Mali.  Then I got an insulin pump.  About 10 months following the insulin pump we found out we had a bun in the oven.  8 months later Hudson came 7 weeks early.  And life continues to be a whirlwind since.  A good whirlwind let me tell you.

Constant  shaping seems to come with being a mom.  I thought I learned how selfish I was when we got married.  It's even more evident now.  But it's refreshing to be stretched and grow.  And change.  I used to color code my planner for pete's sake!  Now I'm lucky if I get things down on the planner.  Sometimes I wish I was a little more organized, I am enough for us to function.  I had so many aspirations to be super mom.  I just finished looking at the http://wholesomebabyfood.momtastic.com/ website.  Wow!  While there are many things I like about it and would love to do, I have to remember it's okay if I don't.  Hudson will still grow whether he eats Gerber or mommy-made food.

I have so many more thoughts I'd love to jot down, a new job in the horizon, changes in our lives, changes in me but that's all I have time for now.  I'm thankful I don't have to do everything.  Thankful I don't have to live up to the expectations of myself to find love from my savior, husband, family and friends.  I think we should all have a little more grace for ourselves and each other.  Happy Saturday!